Since I spend most days in lace up work boots, jeans and long sleeve T-shirts with my nails clipped short and my hair simply braided back out of my way, the last thing I usually think about out on the ranch are my eyebrows.
Still, I have company coming from Germany and a couple of dress up engagements to attend, so I started thinking about getting my hair trimmed and maybe trying on some of my daughter’s makeup. I guess I don’t look very carefully in the mirror when I brush my teeth or brush my hair because when I actually did look carefully, I realized that with mostly staying home the last few months while recovering from my hip replacement, I had grown a couple pretty impressive dark blonde caterpillars over my eyes.
I looked at my schedule and realized that I really didn’t have time to go to town for a salon date anyway. I usually trim my own bangs between haircuts, so I did an extra careful job this time. Then I fished around the medicine cabinet for my wax. I’m not a novice with makeup or grooming; but, living and working out here, I really don’t have much need to put on more than sunblock and I obviously had not dealt with my eyebrows since last autumn.
I’m not a squeamish person. I used to take an injectable medicine for headaches and I routinely gave myself the shots. I’ve also used a home surgical kit to stitch myself up more than once when I probably should have gone into the ER but didn’t have the time or money. Bottom line, a little pain doesn’t phase me; but waxing my eyebrows always fills me with dread. I want no comment or laughing from the men reading this, because most of you clearly do not understand.
Smearing hot microwaved wax on the thin skin above your eyes, quickly covering it with a fabric strip and then ripping it off is a brutal ritual, worse still is using tweezers to pluck the few straggling survivors that remain. I almost feel like I need a drink before attempting this each time; but, then my fear is that I won’t be steady handed and may wax too much and end up looking permanently surprised or worse, left with only one eyebrow. I definitely have to psych myself up for the adventure. I try reminding myself that I will look and feel fresher and more bright eyed once I finish, and that it’ll last me for at least a few months. None of that really works, and I usually just grit my teeth and power through.
I did the deed this morning and it was predictably very painful and unpleasant. When I looked down at the used wax strips completely imbedded with my former eyebrows, I had to laugh and wonder who in the world came up with the beauty standard that required this torture. Then I looked into the mirror and realized that indeed, I look fresher with nice, neat brows. Then I headed outside to pick up dog poop in the yard. I laughed out loud at the realization that being a pooper scooper ended up being the highlight of my morning.
Kris Stewart is a rancher (with nice, neat brows) in Paradise Valley, Nevada.